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Writing Support Resources: Sample BAD and GOOD paragraphs

Designed by library writing faculty, this LibGuide contains information about the library's writing support service.

The assignment

The Assignment is to read and critically reflect on Shelley's Frankstein, and whether the weather and other factors might have influenced the writer when she wrote this book.

Questions you might ask yourself:

  • When was Frankenstein written? (not when published)
  • What was unusual about the weather in the location when she wrote Frankenstein?
  • Was there anything else special or unusual about the people who were staying at this location?
  • How might these factors have influenced the author's writing?

Sample Bad paragraph

Sample BAD Paragraph

I hate wet and reiny days.

It rained a lot in 1816.... a lot - like everyday; the weather in Europe was abnormally wet because it rained in Switzerland on 130 out of the 183 days from April to September. If I was Mary Shelley I might decide to write a book too, or at least some social media posts. Afterall, it was the onnly thing you could do without cellphones or TV or anything. Sounds sooooo boring! She said that she "passed the summer of 1816 in the environs of Geneva...we occasionally amused ourselves with some German stories of ghosts... These tales excited in us a playful desire of imitation"  So, people were stuck inside and bored. Mary Shelley decided to write a book becuase it was so awful outside. I can totally see her point, you know? I guess I would go crazy if there was nothing else to do besides look out at the rain n read.

What's BAD about it?

  • The opening sentence is not on target, and it has a spelling error.
  • The second sentence states a fact, but no cited source is provided - plagiarism!
  • The rest of the paragraph begins to discuss the topic, but not clearly enough to allow the audience to see where you are heading.
  • The quote used does little to support the opening sentences.
  • Grammar errors  and run on sentences are present as well.
  • Spelling Errors
  • First person use - in academic writing take ME and I out, and rewrite the sentence so that those "first person" words are not needed (see sample GOOD paragraph)
  • The topic is what motivated Mary Shelly to write Frankenstein? The reader is introduced to the writer not liking rain, but is that the main topic of this?  No, the topic is why Mary Shelly wrote Frankenstein.
  • See sample GOOD paragraph to see how the quote was used more effectively there.

Good Writing: Critical Thinking!

Sample GOOD Paragraph

The weather in 1816 Europe was abnormally wet, keeping many inhabitants indoors that summer. From April until September of that year, "it rained in Switzerland on 130 out of the 183 days from April to September" (Phillips, 2006). Unlike today, one could not simply turn on a television or swipe around the Internet, looking at posts and videos in order to entertain oneself. Instead, it was much more common for the educated people of the day to spend time reading, discussing well-known authors and artists of the day, playing at cards and walking in their gardens and walking paths.

If you were Mary Shelley in the company of Byron and others, you amused each other by reading out loud, sharing a common interest in a particular book, and sharing with the others your own writing. In her introduction to Frankenstein, her explanation of how this extraordinary novel came to be was due, at least in part, to the weather and the company (Shelley, 1816).  "I passed the summer of 1816 in the environs of Geneva. The season was cold and rainy, and ...we occasionally amused ourselves with some German stories of ghosts... These tales excited in us a playful desire of imitation" (Shelley, as quoted in Phillips, 2006).


What's GOOD about this?

  • The opening sentence focuses the reader on what was happening at the time, and uses facts with a citation to do so.
  • The introductory sentence immediately tells the audience your topic.
  • The first paragraph supports the first sentence.
  • The second paragraph supports the first paragraph.
  • THIRD PERSON is used instead of first person
  • It mentions what people did for entertainment at the time
  • The quote is used effectively, and the reader is more engaged by the writing
  • There are no spelling errors, and the writing is clear and concise.